Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize