i wish my penis had a tongue
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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