she woke up with a sticky ear
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
