her vagine was all disorganized.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
