i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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