what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They took my balls.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize