i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
