Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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