How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
