but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
