We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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