I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
