Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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