I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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