I think my vagina is haunted
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Randomize
