She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
