I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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