I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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