Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Randomize
