i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
