My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Sober January is a disaster.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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