dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
