Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
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