I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
