our cab driver is having phone sex.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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