so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I think I have vodka in my lungs
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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