My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
