im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
