It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
