i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
