My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
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I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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