I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
