I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
