that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
you made out with another girl for some wings
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
