please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Randomize
