I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
