its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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