I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
