Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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