ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
