Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
