come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
