I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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