Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
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