she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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