not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
