im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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