maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
