Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
