i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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