Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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