cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
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