Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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