he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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