This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
