The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
