she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
