isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Randomize
