if i can run in heels then i can drive
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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