Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
