I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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