last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize