i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Randomize
